song time...

ok, we all know that i'm a music JUNKIE! i heard of this hasidic jew who goes by the name of matisyahu and sings dancehall music. pretty interesting mix. so i checked it out. didn't love all of it, but one song, king without a crown, was really amazing. once i read the lyrics and listened to it again, it became this beautiful tribute to his G-d. so, read the lyrics, then go check out the song on myspace: http://www.myspace.com/matisyahu

King Without A Crown

You're all that I have and you're all that I need
Each and every day I pray to get to know you please
I want to be close to you, yes I'm so hungry
You're like water for my soul when it gets thirsty
Without you there's no me
You're the air that I breathe
Sometimes the world is dark and I just can't see
With these, demons surround all around to bring me down to negativity
But I believe, yes I believe, I said I believe
I'll stand on my own two feet
Won't be brought down on one knee
Fight with all of my might and get these demons to flee
Hashem's rays fire blaze burn bright and I believe
Hashem's rays fire blaze burn bright and I believe
Out of darkness comes light, twilight unto the heights
Crown Heights burnin' up all through till midnight
Said, thank you to my G-d, now I finally got it right
And I'll fight with all of my heart, and all a' my soul, and all a' my might

Chorus (2x):
What's this feeling?
My love will rip a hole in the ceiling
Givin' myself to you from the essence of my being
Sing to my G-d all these songs of love and healing
Want Moshiach now so it's time we start revealing

Strip away the layers and reveal your soul
Got to give yourself up and then you become whole
You're a slave to yourself and you don't even know
You want to live the fast life but your brain moves slow
If you're trying to stay high then you're bound to stay low
You want G-d but you can't deflate your ego
If you're already there then there's nowhere to go
If you're cup's already full then its bound to overflow
If you're drowning in the water's and you can't stay afloat
Ask Hashem for mercy and he'll throw you a rope
You're looking for help from G-d you say he couldn't be found
Looking up to the sky and searchin' beneath the ground
Like a King without his Crown
Yes, you keep fallin' down
You really want to live but can't get rid of your frown
Tried to reach unto the heights and wound bound down on the ground
Given up your pride and the you heard a sound
Out of night comes day and out of day comes light
Nullified to the One like sunlight in a ray,
Makin' room for his love and a fire gone blaze
Makin' room for his love and a fire gone blaze

Chorus

the road less traveled...

one of my many life lessons is not to judge or allow myself to be judged by other's standards. life paths are like fingerprints...none are the same. so why set yourself up to fail at someone elses accomplishment. besides, its already been done, so why be redundant. find your own mistakes and keep at them until you get one that doesn't fail in the end.

do what tastes good. as for me, my path is my own, and I have no clue where the hell it's leading me. but I'm going to make the best of it, and not judge my progress based on someone else's level of achievement.

peace

mankind...

i just watched a video of a man being beaten by police officers in new orleans for no apparent reason. to protect and to serve right? he was lying in the street soaked in a puddle of his blood and the skin from his face hanging off. this really disturbed me on a bigger, deeper level. im sure you've heard this, but man is the only animal that kills for reasons other than for survival/the only animal that kills for sport. it disgusts me what we as humanity, the "greatest of God's creations" are sometimes capable of...

"jah would never give the power to a baldhead,

run come crucify the dread.

time alone-oh time will tell.

think you're in heaven,

but you're living in hell."

bob marley - "time will tell"

peace

oh my soul...

I am sitting here listening to my praise and worship mix and I just love it! It takes me back to my days of singing backup for GCM with Becky, banging to Jesus Freak at church camp with my OVBC crew, and going to Grace Bible study listening to Jeff Berry lead worship and Matt Chandler give an always amazing sermon.

Most of you know that I used to be a strong follower of Christ and throughout it all, the most beautiful connection that I found with God, was through music. When I was singing, it was me and He. Even thought I don't consider myself a Christian anymore, that journey was a major influential part of my life. A jump start if I may. Its interesting; so many people bound themselves to these rules/laws of religion , and thats ok if that works for you. It was definitely something that I needed at that time and am very appreciate for. I believe that your relationship with your high power is between the two of you. As for me, I prefer to allow myself to be unbound. To be open to all the spiritual experiences that the universe has for me. To allow myself the freedom of belief. So, as I sit here listening to "Refuge", a beautiful love song to God, I allow myself to be touched in this plane of spiritual reality, as deeply as I was in my past one.

full circle...

When you adopt the viewpoint that all that exists within your circle of life is nothing but another part of you; when you come to the conclusion that there is no one who exists, who is not a part of you; you will wisely extend to yourself an unconditional love that will be...

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i spent this weekend re-connecting with an old friend...how refreshing.

this morning i was reflecting on the people in my life, old and new. it's funny. i have this insane need to express my feelings to people in the moment i am feeling them. why? because i never want anyone in my life to ever wonder. if i were to die tomorrow, those close to me would know that i loved them, and that's important to me. so, for people who are just starting to build relationships with me and getting to know me, they can be overwhelmed and sometimes a little uneasy with the "i love you" or the "you're awesome and i wanted to let you know that".

i draw 90% my energy from being connected with these i share spirit/energy with. when i don't get to interact with these energies for a while, i feel disconnected, drained and alone. usually this break in connection is my fault. being the taurus that i am, i can be super self-absorbed and oblivious to anything besides what's in my momentary view. i neglect this person because i am hanging with that person. i don't like that. it's not really the quality of a good friend. it does, however, re-affirm how amazing my friends are because they love me even with those nasty qualities that i possess. so, i need to get to work. which for me means writing letters, emails and leaving phone messages; and in most of those cases, just saying "i love you...".

i feel better. my universe is balanced out because the people that i love know how much they feed my well-being. how much they are apart of my survival. how much i love them.

i am at peace.

10 years from now...

i got an email from k-dawg today and I realized I miss working orientation/ mcm 101/ c.a.b/sociology club/rec center! i feel like if I had to teach a class, lead a group or give a speech, i wouldn't know what to do. that's how long it's been. i hate it! i like my job, but I miss working with people on a hands-on, day to day, basis. i miss the interaction. i miss feeling like what I do, what I say and who I am will make a difference, even if a small one, in someone's life. because really, what else is the point, if not to better the world in some way. the two most important things in life (to me):

1) finding/giving/sharing/seeing/feeling/having...LOVE!

2) bettering...in whatever form it takes...a person, yourself, the world, your community, ect.

i feel very monotonous right now. but, it pays the bills, the people are awesome, and i get to wear what i want (that last one is the most important...really.) life is good. i could complain about trivial thing (i really need to get my own place, my car is broken...again, I am always broke, ect) but in the big scheme of things, I have a job, a place to live and food to eati'm ok.

i miss my family. our reunion is this weekend and Im the only one not there. its selfish, but I dont think they should have fun without me...nope.

still single in the city...no sex, just single. i sometimes feel very high schoolish. those of you who know me, know that I am super retarded when it comes to the opposite sex. i just have no experience with any of this so I have these adult feeling and wants and curiosities, but their encased in this feeling of being a 15 year-old who hasnt gone on her first date yet.

is there any help for me?!?!? hehe...

ok, its back to work. i love you all so much and miss you!

peace

new wave...

new wave sno-cones...my little piece of heaven on earth. the opening of new wave signifies the start of summer in abilene...at least for me. my favorite flavor is georgia peach. it's a peach snow-cone with strawberry through the center a little hint of tart for the tang. mmmmm...gooood.

as it, very slowly, warms up here in northern california...i find myself restless. how will i know when summer is here? are balls of ice filled with sugary yumminess a southern thing? where have all the snow-cones gone?

i am so used to the texas heat (dry and blatant) that i feel a little awkward still having to wearing a jacket in june. is summer around the corner? it's like...wait for it, wait for it...ok, go go go! the heat here is different. there's more wind in the air. that's a change. i remember being in west texas driving the corona, that has no air or tinted windows. it was like a moving sauna and the only wind you got was when you stuck your head out of the window while driving....those were the days.

i've been to the beach quite a few times lately and it's facinating to me. it's still cool (around 70), but people still go in the ocean. why? the water is super chilly! mom would say "don't go in there, you'll catch a cold!" but yet there they are...all these cool californians catching waves. interesting...

so, ode to summer! i guess i will have to just wait it out. you're coming...right? i haven't missed you have i?