sorry i'm a champion...

LOVING this song. it's pretty fuckin' amazing. mad respect to Jay-Z. i finally get it...

peace.

(p.s. lyrics below)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5giXBzAv3NA

"Lost One"
(feat. Chrisette Michele)

Uh, uh, uh, uh
It's not a dis song, it's just a real song
Feel me?

I heard motherfuckers saying they made Hov
Made Hov say, "OK so, make another Hov"
Niggaz wasn't playing they day role
So we parted ways like Ben and J-Lo
I shoulda been did it but I been in a daze though
I put friends over business end of the day though
But when friends, business interests as they go
Ain't nothing left to say though
I guess we forgot what we came fo'
Shoulda stayed in food and beverage
Too much flossing
Too much Sam Rothstein
I ain't a bitch but I gotta divorce them
Hov have to get the shallow shit up off him
And I ain't even want to be famous
Niggaz is brainless to unnecessarily go through these changes
And I ain't even know how it came to this
Except that fame is
The worst drug known to man
It's stronger than, heroin
When you could look in the mirror like, "There I am"
And still not see, what you've become
I know I'm guilty of it too but, not like them
You lost one

[Chorus w/ Marsha (Jay-Z)]
Lose one, let go to get one
Left one, lose some to win some (You lost one)
Story of a champion, sorry I'm a champion
You lost one

I don't think it's meant to be, be
But she loves her work more than she does me
And honestly, at twenty-three
I would probably love my work more than I did she
So B, ain't we
It's me, and her
'Cause what she prefers over me, is work
And that's, where we, differ
So I have to give her
Free, time, even if it hurts
So breathe, mami, it's deserved
You've been put on this earth to be
All you can be, like the reserves
And me? My time in the army, it's served
So I have to allow she, her, time to serve
The time's now for her
In time she'll mature
And maybe we, can be, we, again like we were
Finally, my time's too short to share
And to ask her now, it ain't fair
So yeah, she lost one

Lose one, let go to get one
Left one, lose some to win some (Oh yeah, she lost one)
Story of a champion, sorry I'm a champion
You lost one

My nephew died in the car I bought
So I'm under the belief it's partly my fault
Close my eyes and squeeze, try to block that thought
Place any burden on me, but please, not that lord
Time don't go back, it go forward
Can't run from the pain, go towards it
Some things can't be explained, what caused it?
Such a beautiful soul, so pure, shit
Gonna see you again, I'm sure of it
'til that time, little man I'm nauseous
Your girlfriend's pregnant, the lord's gift
Almost lost my faith, that restored it
It's like having your life restarted
Can't wait for your child's life, to be a part of it
So now I'm child-like, waiting for a gift
To return, when I lost you, I lost it

Lose one, let go to get one
Left one, lose some to win some (Colleek, I lost one)
Sorry I'm a champion, Colleek, you're a champion
You lost one

fiddler on the roof...

ok, i sometimes hate to explain things because i actually love how we all generate our own thoughts/beliefs/meanings from the same information. but because i do know our minds all go to different places and interpret differently when we receive certain information, i want to say that when you read the following, don't hesitate or blow it off because of where it's from of what it says. but instead, be in the spirit of what it says/means to YOU. because in the end, that's the most important.

"when I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things."
-1 Corinthians 13:11

the lessons are everywhere, the question is, are you ready to learn? because all you truly have to do to hear...is be open to them.

peace and blessings / love and light

one of those boring update blogs...

wow. it's been a while. i've had lots to say (of course) but not alot of free time to say it. or internet access for that matter ;-) let's see, top 5 things going on with me (in no particular order)...

1) JOB: i started a new, NEW job at the presidio hill school. my official title is "volunteer, alumni and event coordinator", and although i have absolutely no idea what i'm doing...it's great! i sit next to the kindergarten classes so there's lots of little 2-3 foot elves and trolls running around, to and from the bathroom, falling over untied shoes strings, and eating sunflower seed and jelly sandwiches. yeah, sunflower seed and jelly. i have recently found out that ONE child, can change the earting habits of an ENTIRE school. craziness.

And then there's this thing I just head about called, white privilege conference. Ok, the what? First of all, those words together immediately red flag sketchiness in my brain. I was thinking some huge underground KKK rally. So as to my understanding, some black folks got tired of white folks coming to the diversity conferences and asking all these questions so they made them their own conference sot hat could talk and figure it out themselves? I don't know. I think it's dangerous to try to figure out "your privilege" with no context to the people it affects. And what are you going to DO with that knowledge? Because sitting around and talking about it is great, but if done for too long with no action, it's a reciprocal cycle of nothingness. any case, check out the link.

2) LOVE: life in love is amazing. not always roses and butterflies stomachs like the movies say, but oh so amazing. im learning just how selfish i've been allowed to be late and how that can cripple you later in life. thank GOD there's someone who's crazy enough to love me right now, as i am, and willing to work though all my shit with me.

thanks babe.

3) LIFE: been chillin' alot lately. trying to hit the gym on some kind of schedule so that i feel better about me all around. why is being healthy so damn hard? i mean really. i think that if people WANT to be healthy, it should be just a bit easier for them. don't you? i jumped from 140 to 160 in the past 5 months! yikes! i've decided, for me at least, it was way easier to be skinny when i was single and kinda sad. nothing to do but go to work and to the gym. not so easy when i'm happy and in love. damn boyfriends ;-)

4) SOCIAL: i'm going sky diving on saturday in monterey bay!!!!! yeah. it's been in the making for a while now and i FINALLY got all my ducks to get off thier ass and get in a row...soooo i booked it!

my nemesis...burning man. For the last 2 years I've bee trying to go but have not had the money. Now I do ($300) and I'm hesitant. I guess I know that there's still like $500 worth of stuff to buy to survive for a week in the desert. $800 is a LOT of money I don't really have. But then I think, this is a ONCE IN A LIFETIME experience. People that burn, never forget it. It can be life changing. Here, check out what I mean: all things burning man

5) HOME: recently went home for my uncles funeral. although it was very sad, it wasn't unexpected. he's abused his body with all sorts of shit for over 30 years. it guess his body said "fuck it, i'm done." so it wasn't a total shocker but it came at a bad time. my grandpa was scheduled to have major surgery the next day. so here me mom, tera and grandma are all preparing for daddy's surgery, and then kenny dies. damn. so it was an emotionally draining week. i wasn't able to see anyone which was saddening since I've been home 2x in the last 2 years. But, it just wasn't that sort of trip.

Everyone is getting back to normalcy now. Daddy seems really good. Mom is trying to get motivated, grandma is still makin' homemade jelly and calling us all by each other's names, and tera and the girls are going through and learnin' life shit.


and that's about it. once i figure out how to resize photo's in iphoto or on a MAC, i'll post em. hope that you all are well and feeling the universe's blessing with ever step...

peace and blessing, love and light.

question number 513...

compromise: an agreement reached by adjustment of conflicting or opposing claims, principles, etc.,

having been an uncompromisingly independent person all of your life, purposefully and determinedly holding your ground in that regard and never settling...how do you compromise (for the better), for those you love, without feeling like you've given up a small piece of you independence? without feeling like your spirit has been defeated in some way? without feeling broken, just a bit?

i am rebelliously embracing the fact that my decisions no longer only affect me, but they affect those around me, and closest to me, as well; and i sometimes have to act/move forward/make decisions, with that in mind.

you don't know how difficult that is to me. a hard lesson for such a stubborn taurean woman.

but i DO get it.

peace.

PS: a good friend wrote me the following and it resonated (this person is one of those "salt of the earth" types to me. he's good people.):

well...my perspective is just mine tho. but... being an independent person means to me that you make decisions for your life based on what is important to you personally. when that means embracing and bringing another person into your life that means a lot to you, your decision to reach a compromise out of love for the other person and respect for them as people is an independent thought. therefore, i don't see it as a concession or sacrifice on your part because it adds to the quality of YOUR life. it is just as easy for you to say...no...what is important to me is me and you are along for the ride....and that is another independent decision but a disrespectful one to yourself and the person you care about. it isn't sacrifice if it makes your life better.

-dp

another revolution around the sun...

as i look back on this past year , i must stop to thank God for all the grace bestowed upon me, all the love given and felt deep in my heart, and all the blessings i have received.

as i move forward into this new year, i am in prayer that i will continue to grow and learn, continue to love as i am loved, and remember to be humble and ever thankful for all the things in my life, because they are truly undeserved blessings.

ache.

SWEET HEARTED ONE, MEDITATE ON KNOWING AND NOT-KNOWING, EXISTING AND NOT-EXISTING. THEN LEAVE BOTH ASIDE THAT YOU MAY BE.

-OSHO

i want my people to be FREE!

this monday, december 10, 2007, my father will go for his parole hearing.

(www.mutulushakur.com) / (www.myspace.com/mutulushakur)



i want to take the time to say thank you to everyone for your continuous letters of support and all of your encouragement.

please continue to keep him in your prayers/meditations/thoughts as he goes, once again, to fight for his, and our, freedom...

also, please keep in your hearts my brother kamel, his father herman bell, and the rest of the SF8.

(http://www.freethesf8.org) / (www.myspace.com/freesf8)



FREE EM' ALL!

"we are not dispirited. in fact, we are empowered by our resistance. aim high and go all out!"
-dr. mutulu shakur

peace and blessings / love and light.

it's the most wonderful time of the year...

i was just thinking about how very much we affect each other on a moment to moment basis and how very little we sometimes realize it. even something as little as the one last turn to smile at a friend shifts your life and everything in it by that fraction of a second and that, changes the experiences you have from that moment on.

because of that i am so thankful for all the wonderful people in my life. i am truly blessed. i really do believe that the universe breathed these moments that make up my life in such a way that i may cross journeys with some of the most amazing sprits of this world. we all leave a little of ourselves upon each other in each passing. although we may not know it. although it may be so small we never even notice. it's there...

i am me because of you.

on another note, it's my favorite holiday! probably because we never celebrated in my family. because of that, i have great romance with it. the sights (bright colorful bulbs lighting up the night), the sounds (carols filling the air), and smells (ahhh, cinnamon)...

christmas time is here.

although it can be a time of blatant greed with all the gift buying, i love the gift of giving. soooo, if you're looking for some music to get you in the giving holiday spirit, i suggest my top 2 favorites: a charlie brown christmas by the vince guaraldi trio, and yes, the old school merry christmas by mariah carey

i will be celebrating this year's holiday's with yogiraj (the sunshine on my cloudy day) and his family. can't wait to see the little seemingly insignificant thing that make family time so special. i LOVE to see love.

what are your family traditions? anything i particular you and yours do to make the holiday special? do you open presents the night before? do you all go and shop for a tree together? is your aunt so and so always giving you the most randomly scary gifts? comment back and let me know...

peace and lots-o-love