i've got a lovely bunch of coconuts...

last week was a continuous string of mondays. neverending.

except for friday. it actually felt like a friday.

weekend was very relaxing. yeah for korean independence day parties and awesomely bad movies!

excuse the cliche phrase, but lessons can be hard things to learn. even when you act on good intentions. and especially when they affect other people. they're utterly viscous in those moments...

peace,
nzingha

rubber baby buggy bumber...

top 10 reasons (but not in any particular order) this last 2 weeks has been beautifully chaotic:

10) drunken karaoke is the best...yes!
9) boat party for work-1 year anniversary of Current TV launch
8) my dad throwing a huge hip-hop summit in the prison where he is.
7) getting a promotion at work AND a little (LITTLE) more money.
6) going to motoGP with my girl Laina-loo!
5) modeling and singing for the freebox fashion show in my favoritest place - bolinas.
4) movie in the park (showing: raiders of the lost ark!!)
3) my boy michael tolcher performing in town AND finding out out top secret info...muahahahahahahaha!
2) ridiculous thievery corporation show. RIDICULOUS!!
1) almost equal but a little bit more ridiculous manu chao concert. best concert Ive ever been to. by far!

ok, just random info. hope you have a GORGEOUS week! be safe and be freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

muito amor e muitos beijos...paz!

lions and tigers and bears...oh my!!

so its been a pretty crazy past week and end.

tom and kamel (roomate and family) brought lauryn hill to town last thursday. 1st show sold out in 2hrs. I mean, it's lauryn hill. around 2PM I get a call at work. its kamel. hes like, are you ready? ready? ready for what?? well, lauryn needs 2 backup
singers...you down?

WTF?!?!?!? seriously? no. huh? wow.

apparently 2 of her 3 singers didnt make their flight which was why I had this opportunity. i had to be at sound check at 3:30PM. i was there at 3PM.

now im sure you've all heard that lauryn is in another place now a days. oh yeah, she is. you don't touch her, don't speak to her unless she speaks to you, don't make eye contact and you ALWAYS address her as ms. hill. but I don't feel like its hollywood like many people are thinking. she's really in a different mental place...

with that said, we didn't start sound check until like 3 or 4 hours later. the first show was to start at 8PM. ok, standing on a stage, holding a mic and singing (for like 1 min) with lauryn hill next to me and her 10 piece band behind me...RIDICULOUS!! well, they were able to find professional stand-ins so i ended up not being needed after all. BUT, it was still pretty amazing.

just being able to sound check with her was pretty phenomenal for me. i mean, i remember being 16 and saying that if i EVER did decide to sing, i would want to sing backup for lauryn hill. that specific. so yeah, pretty much my dream came true. how crazy is that!??!??! who can say that their dream, that thing you kind of put up there as probably could never happen but boy if it did... has come true?

the show itself was interesting. she played some miseducation... songs but shes given then a totally different. sounded pretty bad at first, but I think that once they get it all together, it will be pretty fantastic. the second show, that was suppose to start at 11PM, didnt start until 1AM and it was STILL packed at 1! thats the pull of lauryn. oh, i mean, ms. hill...

4th of july was great! went out to bolinas which is my own personal piece of heaven. its a small beach community of about 500 people that have all grown up together. Theres a huge tug-of-war between bolinas and stinson at like 9AM and then have a parade and then a street party in the center of town. ive decided that im an honorary bo-local :-) after that everyone goes to the beach and theres a huge family style beach party with local DJing and lots of dancing. my trips to bolinas are without exception, always refreshing and beautifully peaceful. this one was no different. it was utter perfection...

i think im going to be able to go to burning man this year! i cant even explain it. youll have to check it out : http://www.burningman.com/. kinda ridiculously awesome.

and how was your 4th of july?

peace

this is your brain on drugs...

it's friday. yeah! i hope everyone has something fabulous to look forward to if not just the fact that we don't have to go to work tomorrow! me? i'll probably hit up the festival. there's always some festival going on in SF. The corndog festival, the garlic festival, the "i like to pick my nose" festival. so much fun!

saw x-men last night. LOVED it! i seriously think i have some dormant mutant power. i've always felt different. and not just because i have a split personality. hahaha. so, i've been pondering what it could be. if you could have any mutant/superpower, what would you have? seriously, i want to know.

the main reason of this blog is a "nzingha is really retardant" story.

so, when i arrived at the movie theatre with my friend fhay and her boyfriend scott, i had to climb out of the back seat of my car (i didn't want to drive). so for like 5 min we were trying to figure out how to move the front seat forward so that i could squeeze out cause it was such a small hole and my ass is so not small. so fhay and i are going back and forth, pulling this and pushing that with no luck. so finally i just said fuck it, and tried to get out. you know the "suck in as hard as you can and then one leg out, and turn to an angle so the rest can follow" move? yeah. when i finally got out of the car and straightened my clothes and all, i had this moment of clear but disturbing realization...

my honda is a fucking 4-door!!!

i went through all that trying to get out of the front door, and there was a perfectly good back door right next to me. yeah.

yeah.

so here's hoping yours (and my) weekend is just as random, crazy and fun! and i'm serious about knowing what your superpower would be!!

peace

my current song of self:

simple life - carolyn dawn johnson
I have wondered this world far and wide
I've been all around to the other side
But there's nothin' like comin' home
I wanna sit on my front porch and drink my lemonade
Cut my grass after church every Sunday
And go out on Saturday night
Live the simple life
Wake up in the morning to these fields of gold
And take a long walk down a gravel road

Spend my days in the sweet sunshine
Rock in my swing and watch my garden grow
Know that I'll always have someone to hold
Oh I-I-I wanna live the simple life

I wanna take a blanket down to the creek
And let the water sing me to sleep
Let go of time
Live the simple life
Lately I've seen too many city lights
I wanna go somewhere where I can see the stars at night

Spend my days in the sweet sunshine
Rock in my swing and watch my garden grow
Know that I'll always have someone to hold
Oh I-I-I wanna live the simple life

Spend my days in the sweet sunshine
Rock in my swing and watch my garden grow
Know that I'll always have someone to hold
Oh I-I-I wanna live the simple life

where there is darkness, light...

death is a strange thing. that first moment you find out someone has passed. the moment it actually registers in your consciousness. the moment when you begin to process it.

survival depends on dealing. i allow myself to be sad, i take a deep breath, i move on. never forgetting, but not dwelling. seems harsh i'm sure, but its the only way i can have some sort of peace of mind. too many things in my life that could have literally driven me to madness otherwise. i don't have time to be crazy. everyone's got shit, mine's not special.

this trait has been passed through generations of female energy in my family. we're very much alike, us hearn/shakur women. as soft and fragile as a butterflies wings that can be damaged by the slightest human touch; as strong and tough as the great redwood trees that live for thousands of years. the duality of life. we are survivors. we don't know how to be any other way.

so, here i am again, going through the whole process of dealing. this is all i have to say about it. in a little while it will be over and i'll be ok. but for now, i grieve...

peace



" for what is it to die, but to stand in the sun and melt into the wind?"
-kahlil gibran

25 evolutions around the sun and back again...

today is my 25th bday...

wow.

mom called this morn and said "babygirl, the quarter-life never looked so good!"

thanks mom.

i wanted to take a moment to honor the people in my life; without you guys i wouldn't be the slightly well adjusted being i am today! i am daily thankful that the universe bestowed upon me its most precious creations in the form of my beautiful friends and family; both old and new.

the old grounds me deep in the roots of my past, and in doing so allows me to flourish in the new that takes me beyond the outer most realms...

you all constantly love me with all of my flaws, encourage me to do my best, challenge me to always move forward and calm the insanity within by allowing me to be; all the while keeping this stubborn bull in check (that damn taurus in me).

from the very depths of my heart...thank you.

peace

om shanti shanti shanti...

soooooo, i'll be 25 soon and as always, pondering my next move. like usual, i am working on forward movement with Self (some days more than others); mentally, physically, spiritually...my trinity is working overtime!

what will this new year have in store for me?

now a days everyone is talking about this idea of a quarter life crisis. same idea as a mid-life crisis, but it's mid-mid-life. i totally bought into it at first (yeah, i'm having a breakdown...ahhh!!) but then i realized its kind of a cop-out at the same time. do we not know what to do with ourselves sometimes? fa sho. but EVERYONE does. being 25 doesn't give you some special privilege to feel sorry for yourself. we all get that feeling. i promise. my mom is 51 and still trying to figure her shit out. i feel like it's a luxury to say "oh, what to do with my life..." there are a lot of people that don't have that choice. they have to "do" to survive. whatever life hands them, they deal. just get over yourself already nzingha!

although i don't have alot, i've never been without. yeah, i've had some fucked up things happen to me, but i'm a survivor. and no matter how "lonely" i may feel at times, there are some ridiculously amazing people in this world that love me. i'm realizing it's ok to not know. although we might think that we have to have this and that done by such and such time, really, we're all on our own personal timeline with the universe. life is moving and unfolding as it should...right here, right now. wherever you are and whatever you're doing is exactly where you're suppose to be and what you're suppose to be doing. it can't not be. it is what it is. and no, that doesn't give you the excuse to not work at it. it just means that if you're having a hard time getting it, don't be so hard on yourself.

the fact that i can sit here and say "i don't know..." in regards to my present and my future, means i'm blessed. which on some level, i knew. but this was like a new perspective on blessings for me.

yes i'm a dork sometimes. deal.

peace



"there's a version of you
that you have yet to meet
and it lives on it's own
and it hides underneath.
and it waits for the moment to surface
through your skin, and your eyes, and your tongue.
and it hates that you don't understand it yet.
you're too young
you're too young
you're too young.
you're too young
you're too young
you're too young.

emerge

and the season has come
when all things can grow.
when the sleeping awakens
winds of change will blow
and with open eyes you see in the light that the colors are brilliant again
with the strength and the sound of the crying breath,
you begin
you begin
you begin.
you begin
you begin
you begin.

emerge

-michael tolcher