stigmata...

i read this quite a while ago, and it often comes back to me presented in the most random of ways. today it was my niece who needed me to read something for her online and it happened to be at the top corner of the page.

from the gospel of thomas:

"the kingdom of God is inside you and all around you; not in mansions of wood and stone. split a piece of wood...and I am there. lift a stone...and there you will find me."

no matter what spiritual path you follow, i love the empowerment and freedom this presents...

peace

april showers bring may flowers?

it has been HELLA rainy here. i've heard it's not normal of SF weather so it's a bit less depressing, but not by much. i need some sunshiney goodness! i need the sun's warm rays of rejuvenation! my insides (metaphorically and literally) have been melancholy for a while now. a multitude of reasons for this, but one simply being because I haven't been able to be out. cabin fever is a bitch. i miss texas (i remember when it was 75 degrees on christmas day...that's how we do).

-WELL-

saturday the sun came out (YEAH for me!) and i immediately remember how beautiful "being" is. yes, it was that serious. to feel the warmth on my skin, to see the rich colors twinkle and shine, to smell the honeysuckle (which i was pleasantly surprised to find here) and to enjoy people celebrating nature's simple treasures.

waking up around 7AM, i spent ALL day outside. avoiding as many buildings and cars as possible, i ran and hiked and walked and hiked some more. lots of working through thought processes i've been avoiding and LOTS of meditation. ipod shuffle in hand (must have music at all times). hahaha, there were several times when i randomly broke out in a smile for no particular reason other than the fact that i was in a place of pure happiness. i'm a dork, i know. but it was truly a wholesome, great day.

-SO-

here it is monday again and i'm back at work. mondays are rough. memories of the weekend still lingering yet so far away at the same time. the dark clouds are outside hovering, threatening. NO...GO AWAY! i plan to hang onto my saturday for a least a couple more hours...

didn't realize that easter weekend is coming up. anyone doing anything special? i LOVE easter memories. they're filled with pastel colors, new dresses w/ patent leather shoes, and tacky dollar store easter baskets stuffed with that plastic, streamer-like stuff (that's suppose to resemble grass) with those marshmallow easter bunnies that i hate and refuse to eat, but love at the same time. little children secretly thinking of and plotting ways to find the most eggs in the hunt. glorious. i'm going to pinole on saturday to hang with my big brother moe and my in-laws (his wife's family). lots of good spanish/nicaraguan food, cuban cigars, brandy, and latin music. if any of my peeps are going to be on their own and/or just want to be around family (even if it's not yours; believe me, i can definitely dig it) give me a holla and come with. love and light...

peace

who's having an anxiety attack? ME!

"don't be anxious, but in everything, present your request and be thankful...and a peace...which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds..." -philippians 4:6-7

-REREAD IT-

ps: if you're not into reading the bible, more power to you (i'm not these days either), but don't disregard the message because of it's source. you'd be surprised the things we miss out on because we fear/dislike/don't understand/ect. the messenger. there are many lessons to be learned; take what you need, and leave the rest...

peace

remember to breathe...

i can definitely be accused of over nurturing. i'm a lover. i have to remind myself that sometimes, it's ok to let go. some things are momentary. does that mean that they weren't just as real or special as we remembered/thought they were? not at all. it just means that their time in our life is no longer in the present.

this has nothing to do with today but is just an example: my best friend in high school, teefa, and i were inseparable. we were called twinkies and sometimes we even dressed alike and could finish each other's sentences. we couldn't function without one another. scary, I know. but we've been through SO much shit together and i'm so thankful for her in my life. fast forward to present date. i haven't seen or really talked to teefa in about 2 years. she got married, had a baby and moved to florida. we email from time to time, but that's about it. does that mean our friendship wasn't as strong as i thought? no. does that mean that our love for one another is obsolete or has somehow lessened? no. it just means that we're in different place in our relationship/lives.

we all have our own life's path the travel. we are constantly crossing and leading and following each others and often times, someone decides to take a journey or two with us. but eventually, we all have our own roads to travel.

some people are in our lives only for a moment.

but all the same, their timing is perfect. whether it be a guide, or a shoulder, or a companion, or something as simple as someone to listen, everything/everyone has it's purpose and it's timing.

STOP TRYING TO HOLD ON! i know it's hard. the what if? the why? the but? if it's meant to be let go, it will take flight whether you want it to or not; whether you hold on as tight as you can or whether you let it go freely. remember to breathe. the universe will continue on. the key, is to recognize that, and be thankful for the moments and the memories...

this is the lesson for me today.

i hope that made a little bit of sense. my mind works in mysterious ways most of the time.

peace

" i love you in a place where there's no space or time
i love you for in my life you are a friend of mine
and when my life is over
remember when we were together
we were alone and I was singing this song for you"

won't you help to sing, these songs of freedom...

"feel the rain on your skin
no one else can feel it for you
only you can let it in
no one else, no one else
can speak the words on your lips
drench yourself in words unspoken
live your life with arms wide open..."

and for that 15 seconds...i am free.

peace

happy singles awareness/valentines day...

so today is the dreaded singles awareness day, or for some, the anticipated valentine's day. i'm a lover everyday so I don't know why we need a day to show someone we love them? on the other hand, i often wonder if i would feel the same if i actually had a significant other on this day? hmmmm...something to think about. dating in general can be hard but dating in san francisco is excruciatingly painful. um, instant boyfriend please? unfortunately life doesn't work that way, which leads me to the age old single woman's question...am i destined to be alone? now i know, i'm only 24. but where i'm from, most are married and on their way to the family and the white picket fence by now! i'm not looking for all that, but hey, sometimes you just...want. at any rate I have three options:

1) i could sit at home and eat comfort snacks and watch old school love stories (this is one of my favorite pastimes)

2) i could go out with some single ladies and have drinks and see where the night leads. hopefully to some hot foreign man.

3) my co-worker chloe is trying to get me to go the this "speed dating"-esque party for singles.

*although i adore chloe, i really don't think 3 is an option for me but I threw it in there for good measure.

and what might you be up to this evening? well, whatever you do, i hope you have a day filled with all things beautiful! i am so thankful for all of the wonderful people that reside in my heart and for being a part of your life in whatever form that relationship takes...

peace

-fun little tid-bits cause i am a disgustingly romantic cheesy-poof woman-

find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot . . .
. . . who calls you back when you hang up on him . . .
. . . who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.

wait for the boy who kisses your forehead . . .
. . . who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats . . .
. . . who holds your hand in front of his friends . . .
. . . who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on.

wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you.

wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, ". . . that's her."

your candy heart says "first kiss"

you're a true romantic who brings an innocent hope to each new relationship. you see the good in every person you date, and you relish each step of falling in love. your ideal valentine's day date: a romantic dinner your sweetie cooks for you your flirting style: friendly and sweet what turns you off: cynics who don't believe in romance why you're hot: you always keep the romance alive

how you are in love

you fall in love quickly and easily. And very often. you tend to give more than take in relationships. you tend to get very attached when you're with someone. you want to see your love all the time. you love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change. you stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

letters from an inmate...

so i got a call from my dad today. well, step-dad actually but who deals with technicalities when its family right? a little background: my dad is a political prisoner who in 1983 was on the FBI's top 10 most wanted list, and was then caught and given 60 years on false charges. that's a brief version, if you really want to know more check here. he's been in jail my entire life, so all of the memories that i have of him always begin with him walking around that iron gate with that khaki uniform on. pretty trippy, but hey, we all have our own realities and that's mine.

anyways, he's been in the atlanta maximum security penitentiary for the past 10 years. well, today they moved him to florida. I realized that for the past 10 years, he hasn't been outside of an enclosed 2 mile radius. he's missed the birth of the internet and the cell phone among other things. but, for a couple of brief hours, while being transported from georgia to florida, he soaked up the last 10 years of LIFE while looking out of a bus window. when he called me, he said, "it was good to see freedom".

peace